On this page you’ll find:
- A Reality English Video
- Transcript with explanations of some things stated in the video
- A blog post explaining in more detail what I spoke about in the video
Reality English Video
Use this method to watch and learn real English.
- Step 1: Watch and read subtitles. Pause and make any notes.
- Step 2: Rewatch without subtitles. Focus on listening. It’s ok not to understand everything.
- Step 3: Watch a third time, and pick up on things you missed the first two times. You’ll surprise yourself how much you learn by rewatching the same video over and over.
Real English Video Transcript
Hey everybody, It’s me, Jesi, from SELVA ingles. Welcome to this video. I’ve been talked into it by quite a few people.
- to talk someone into something – to convince someone to do something, convencer
And first of all, I just want to explain my absence. I didn’t…I didn’t mean to leave.
- to mean to do something – intend to do something, tener la intención
I had to leave due to depression and I also got pregnant, and I now have two. Ah, don’t touch it. Don’t touch it. Don’t touch it. I have two. This is Lydikat. Say hey! She says, “Mama, what are you doing?” This is Lydikat and right here is my boy, Drew. Y’all met him a couple of years ago when I tried to do a video but…anyway, this is them. These two are of course my life. These are my babies. And before them…anxiety really wasn’t my life, but you know, I had that book about that. Uh, I had some anxiety issues, but not the way I had depression. That’s right. And so I was going through my books the other day and I got this whole big stack, bipolar and depression and beating the blues, the how of happiness. I don’t need these anymore. Frankly, I found my happiness right here. They definitely keep me so busy I honestly don’t have time for depression. I know that my mind could slip back into that, but I’m not, I’m not going to believe that that’s going to happen. For the first time in my life, um, I feel alive. I feel like I’m only four years old, like I’ve only been living for four years because that’s about how long my depression has been gone. I’m going to give these books to someone who needs them. And the books did not cure my depression, not by a long shot, but they gave me hope.
- not by a long shot – not at all, ni de cerca
They gave me hope that depression can be cured and although, medicine did not cure me… I tried some medicines. Some of the medicines made me really sick. And I’m not an advocate for antidepressants by any means.
- by any means – in no way, de ninguna manera
I’d much rather do it without it, but I totally understand that sometimes you really do need them. But I want to tell y’all the worst thing is when I took some medicine and I went manic. Um, I didn’t know that I was manic or when I was manic, and it lasted for about two months. And I actually was recording videos then. And I was recording lots and lots and lots of videos. And then I just stopped. That’s when I dropped off the face of the earth,
- to drop off the face of the earth – to disappear without notice
because right after that manic episode when you’re high on life like I was. I was high on life. Like as high as I went I went just that low, or even lower. I was at the bottom of the bottom with depression. It was awful. Honestly, I would have killed myself if my mama didn’t love me as much as she loves me. And I say that… I honestly can’t believe that I say that but it’s true. She went on vacation, and this was when I was extremely depressed. She didn’t realize it. Nobody realized how bad it was. I didn’t even personally realize it until it was all over. Um, but, anyway, get myself together. I did not kill myself because I didn’t want my mama to come back from vacation and find me dead. Shooo. And thank God, cause I never would have had my babies. And they’re my everything. So, I hopefully will be do some videos not crying, but I want to tell you something, too, if you are depressed or have anxiety there is hope and it can end. So, alright, I love y’all, and I miss y’all very much. And of course, please subscribe. We’ve got ninety-four thousand subscribers, let’s make it to a hundred thousand before the end of the year. You ready? Yeah. We can run a race.
Jesi’s Blog Post
Hello dear students, I’ve been away for quite some time. I left most of you wandering what happened to me. I apologize I didn’t say goodbye. To summarize, I left because depression made me helpless and nearly hopeless. I tried talk therapy which helped me control my anxiety and beat my addition to marijuana, but there seemed to be no hope for my relentless depression.
I’ve spoken with lots of people who have said, “But why were you depressed? You had a job, a home, a partner. You had a wonderful life.” Yes, that’s all true, and I was aware that my situation was great. But clinical depression is different from situational depression. I was never depressed because of my situation. I knew that no matter the situation, I would have been just as depressed. Look at famous actor, Robin Williams, who seemed to have the perfect life. He struggled and lost which is not really surprising considering the suicide rate for bipolar depression is 20%. That means if you have bipolar depression, you have a 20% chance that you will take your own life.
Looking back I realize depression started for me when I was a teenager. I started to really, really wish that I had never been born. I tried to ignore it, but the feeling never went way. Sometime shortly after college, the desire to have never been born turned into wishing I was dead. I wasn’t quite suicidal, but as years passed I finally realized I had clinical depression, and I started to seek medical help. Of course they prescribed antidepressants for my depression. Getting on and off antidepressants made me very unstable. I was at my weakest and most likely to commit suicide then. I kept telling myself that it was the drugs talking which helped fight the feeling. Antidepressants are not the keys to happiness, but the keys to “don’t give a shit”. I just didn’t care about anything while I was taking them. I literally had dog poop piling up on my floor and sink fulls of dishes I just COULD NOT wash no matter how bad I wanted a clean house. But I will say this, the ONE positive thing antidepressants did for me was teach me that I could react calmly. I’ve always been a snappy, hothead. But while medicated I didn’t act that way and learned a healthier way to “let things go”. Looking back, I needed anger management therapy, too!
My back got injured somewhere along the way. The doctors didn’t believe me about my pain. Nevertheless, I had a doctor that was willing to prescribe me low-dose hydrocodone to relieve the pain. Treating chronic pain with hydrocodone is very risky since it is highly addictive and the body needs more and more of it to keep working. Therefore, I opted for the natural route, marijuana. That seemed to work for me at first, but then I couldn’t stop smoking. I even woke up just to smoke. I LOVED smoking. It was a temporary fix to my depression, and it didn’t help with my back pain. While high I could enjoy life. I could observe things. I could hear individual instruments in songs. Life was good as long as I was high. Obviously, I was addicted to smoking. So, I got help with that! After resisting for just two weeks, I didn’t think about it every day. I did have once relapse. But I’ve been clean ever since I got my two little gifts from God! Honestly, even if I wanted to smoke, I can’t risk being locked up (in jail) away from my kids! That’s a super scary thought. An almost equally scary thought is that marijuana could alter my brain and let it slip back into depression again. I am not doing anything that could jeopardize my love for living. No medicines that alter my brain at all. That’s where I was headed with this anyway. Doctors don’t like to prescribe medicines that could be addictive. So, one doctor that I saw gave me a free sample bottle of Cymbalta (duloxetine) to treat my back pain. I was already on an antidepressant and the combination (I believe anyway) sent me into a full-blown two-month manic episode and landed me in the emergency room seeking answers…none of which I got. The dumb doctor treated me as a drug seeker totally missing my manic symptoms and prescribed another nerve medicine (like Cymbalta) for my pain. I threw that prescription in the garbage. Anyway, I’ll have to tell y’all all about my manic adventure another time. After the mania ended, depression took its place, and this is when I left everything.
While in this after-mania depression, I was useless. I spent my looonnng dreadful days loving on my dog, listening to piano music and a series of audio books by Lucy Maud Montgomery while resting in one of four hammocks I had installed in and around my mama’s house. I’m not sure how long this deep depression lasted, but it eventually subsided, and I started getting my life back together. I reunited with my forgiving boyfriend. And months later, I decided that after turning thirty years old, it was time for me to become a mama…depressed, high, and unwed. Looking at my situation it didn’t seem to be the right thing to do. But I felt it was the right thing! Just a few months into my pregnancy, I was living the best life I’d ever lived. People would ask how I was doing, and I would proudly answer, “I’ve never felt better.” My depression was gone, and I could barely believe it. I started loving life so much instead of wanting to die, I was fearing death. I feared losing the life I had just discovered.
Ever since the spring of 2015, I have been free from depression. I never thought it could be possible, but it is. My son recently attended bible school, a week-long event where kids learn about God. Their message was “When things are bad, God is good.” I hated God for giving me life before. Now I love Him for giving me my children and saving my life.